Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Introducing the Terrible Trio...

I introduce to you the terrible three-- three of the worst pieces of video game garbage that I've played in the past decade. They're a chore to play through, they have next to no redeeming qualities if any, and they're on the cusp of just falling into gaming Hell. So what three titles are some of the worst I've had the misfortune of playing? Put on your $@$% boots. We're going to be stepping in a lot of it.

Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) (PS3, 360)

What was supposed to be a return to form for the blue blur was anything but. Shipped out to retailers as an unfinished product, this game is the most disappointing on my list. I loved Sonic Adventure, Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic Heroes-- heck-- even Shadow the Hedgehog, but nothing could prepare me for the sheer bowl of butt nuggets that was Sonic the Hedgehog's 2006 outing. The enemies weren't the badniks or whatever the Eggman robots are called. No, it was the glitches and bugs that were the true villains of the game. And those mach speed sections were nothing but absolute frustration as the physics were so wonky, you'd fly off the screen into nothingness. The only positive I can surmise from this title is the excellent soundtrack, but that's sort of like listening to your favorite song while you're getting your face punched in. Don't ask me how I know this. Just accept and move on.

YuYu Hakusho: Dark Tournament (PS2)

Coming off the great Dragon Ball Z Budokai franchise, the team moved onto the YuYu Hakusho series, a much less popular bishounen anime. What players received was some of the worst fighting controls I've ever had the displeasure of playing with. In normal fighting games, you hit a bunch of buttons and whatever button you hit first is the action your character performs. In Dark Tournament, every button you tap, your character will do. So if you hit punch, kick, punch, kick, punch, punch, kick, kick, punch, special punch, special kick, punch, punch, punch, kick within the span of three seconds, your character will perform all of those moves which takes about ten seconds for him or her to actually do. It makes combat in this game incredibly arduous to do! You have to worry about tapping the wrong button, blocking at the wrong time, and just a general cluster%#$% of wrong button inputs. I remember breaking a controller playing this game-- just being so freaking frustrated at this piece of pummeled poop.

Ninjabread Man (Wii, PS2, PC)

The Wii is notoriously known as the shovelware console. Sure, it has its great classics and awesome games, but it's a pain in the proverbial butt to find them under all the sheer amount of crap that covers Wii store shelves. I rented Ninjabread Man on the off-chance of seeing how horrible the game was. It had a funny premise-- a gingerbread man as a ninja. Cool enough. How could they possibly screw this up? Firstly, the motion controls are wonky at best. Trying to attack is like trying to win at one of those slot machines-- it's just luck. The platforming is generally acceptable, but it's nothing to write home about. I think the biggest problem with the game is that it's just three levels long. That's it. No story, no "the end", not even "a winner is you"-- nothing! You play for less than forty-five minutes, and the treacherous journey of Ninjabread Man is over. To those children out there who got Ninjabread Man as a birthday, Christmas, or any other kind of gift, I salute you. Your ruined lives will not be forgotten, dammit.

So I've spilled my guts on three horrid pieces of garbage I wasted money buying (Sonic) or renting (YuYu and Ninjabread Man). Now it's your turn. Tell us what games you think are the worst you've ever played. I'm not talking crap like "Killzone 2 becuz i want 2 troll!!! lololol", I mean truly bad games! Let us know in the comments section.

1 comment:

Adam said...

I truly did hate Spectrobes for the DS D: Heard great things about it and it was a huge let down :(

Boring story, fighting elements sucked, and graphics were just blah.


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