Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Introducing... One-Sentence Reviews!

Time for another brand-new segment to celebrate the 200th review on SPC coming sometime this or next week. One-Sentence Reviews are simple. They're short, to-the-point reviews that last one sentence. No more, no less! We're going down a wide list of games for the premiere edition, so I hope you enjoy this new segment as much as I have had putting it together.

"Quite possibly the best game of this current generation, the game oozes with charm, ingenious level design, and a gravity gimmick that ties it all together for one great adventure!" Super Mario Galaxy (Wii)

"Made by manchildren for manchildren, this game is juvenile with all of its blood-splatter, macho man bullcrap, and sophomoric story." Gears of War 2 (360)

"If you can get used to the save system, Dead Rising remains a zombie-bombing blast with multiple playthroughs, lots of secret content, and cool bonuses." Dead Rising (360)

"I was expecting a game that was sweet as how can you screw up a game called Ninjabread Man?" Ninjabread Man (Wii)

"A heart-pounding Ganado-infested rollercoaster from beginning to end, Resident Evil 4 delivers on pure thrills, exciting chills, and awesome action." Resident Evil 4 (Wii)

"Heavenly Sword is a fun, exhilarating ride from beginning to end, but it just ends way too soon with little reason to join the adventure again." Heavenly Sword (PS3)

"Great fun in team mode, not so much in solo, it's Mario Kart Wii." Mario Kart Wii (Wii)

"An awesome game for hardcore platforming fans, but the game might be too daunting for the more casual player-- especially when creating levels." LittleBigPlanet (PS3)

"Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue, gameplay, dialogue, dialogue, dialogue, dia...zzzzzzz" Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots (PS3)

"Having a star stolen from you: angering, stealing a star from your angry older brother: priceless." Mario Party (N64)

"Who the %#&% is Bill Lambier?" Bill Lambier's Combat Basketball (SNES)

"The levels are built for maximum fun, four-player carnage is thrilling and crazy at best, and there's always laughter when you all bubble it up at the same time." New Super Mario Bros. Wii (Wii)

"Why can't this just be a normal Sonic game instead of a racing game?" Sonic Rivals (PSP)

"The perfect time-waster, there's something to be said about losing three hours on one crossword puzzle." Crosswords DS (DS)

"If you can get past the teen angst, Kingdom Hearts is a fun action RPG worth playing." Kingdom Hearts (PS2)

"Great controls combined with mediocre design equals The Conduit for Wii." The Conduit (Wii)

"Hit the right drum at the right time to score points-- sounds fun enough to me!" Donkey Konga (GCN)

"Be the bat in one of the best comic-book games of all time!" Batman: Arkham Asylum (PS3, 360, PC)

"More fun than Grand Theft Auto IV is a high proposition, but somehow Saints Row 2 does it with more to do, more to see, and more hos to spank!" Saints Row 2 (PS3, 360, PC)

"Perfect Dark Zero misses its mark on perfection, but it was darn close!" Perfect Dark Zero (360)

"Fart joke, running gag that stopped being funny a long time ago, jerkass Peter." Family Guy (PS2, Xbox)

"I'm getting sick of hearing Nolan North." White Knight Chronicles (PS3)

"You'll be wanting to catch 'em all until the tauros come home." Pokemon (GB)

"Steven Spielberg and EA have collectively rocked my blocks off with this one." Boom Blox (Wii)

"Mother%%#$%#%!!!!!!!" The House of the Dead: Overkill (Wii)

"If the game had more variety, less gratuitous swearing, and better controls, Killzone 2 might have been a definite winner." Killzone 2 (PS3)

"The later difficulties are intense, but if you can master them, you're in for one heck of a racing game!" Motorstorm: Pacific Rift (PS3)

"With clever and humorous dialogue, a charming cast of characters, and plenty to build and ultimately tinker with, MySims Kingdom gets a strong recommendation for the young and the young at heart." MySims Kingdom (Wii)

"RPG creation is an extended process, so don't think you can (or will) create one overnight." RPG Maker 2 (PS2)

"Things more fun than Sonic the Hedgehog: sodomy with a cactus, having a root canal, watching Youtube videos of LPers playing Sonic the Hedgehog, rubbing salt on a deep wound, reading Sonic the Hedgehog fanfiction, drinking dishwashing detergent, sitting through a Dane Cook concert, setting my wiener on fire, setting my actual wiener on fire, watching Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, watching Andy Dick's one-woman show, coming up with more things that are more fun than Sonic the Hedgehog..." Sonic the Hedgehog (PS3, 360)

Phew! That was a lot more work than I thought it would be. What do you think of this new segment? Let everyone including myself know in the comments section!

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