Tuesday, April 28, 2009

How to Be A Video Game Comedian - Part 1

As much as you like to admit you don't care about your e-cred on message boards, you really do. Why else would you argue with someone or want to make yourself the funniest fellow in the internet? Now you can! And it's soooo easy to do so. Video games and comedy are like gold! You just need to stick your finger deep enough up your nose to find it! With this quick guide, you'll be hitting them out of the park in no time! Be the envy of your message board gaming peers! Here's the easiest ways to be funny!

Gaming and sex go hand-in-hand.

You know how it is to be pasty-skinned, nerdy, and exceptionally creepy, so why not use those wonderful traits to make some video games sexual jokes and innuendo? If you can't let out your sexual frustrations with a real person, why not do it with some jokes online?


1) They can call it a Wii remote jacket all they want, but I'm going to call it a condom! It fits snugly over the Wii remote (see: penis), so you won't have to worry about any random discharge while spanking it to No More Heroes! Wakka-wakka-wakka!

2) Remember that game called Seaman? Would two copies be called.. seamen? Wakka-wakka-wakka!

3) Who needs real women when you can ogle completely fake-looking ones? Those bundles of polygons will do anything for you, hot rod!

4) Excited about a game announcement? Here you go! "Yes. Yes! All over my ****! All in my face!"

Make fun of casual gaming with the same joke set-up over and over.

Hey, guys! I'm on the cutting edge here, and now you can, too! Just watch and learn.

Imagine: Metal GearZ
Prince of PersiaZ
Imagine: Wakka-wakka-wakkaZ!

Ho-ho! I am waaay ahead of the curve with that joke! Wakka-wakka-wakka! Who doesn't laugh when someone wants to make fun of Ubisoft by slamming them with any gem starting with "Imagine" and ending in hilarity with a capital Z? Do I need to stop so you can bust a gut or two?

Comedy is a difficult art to master, but no need to work at it at all! Why set yourself apart and be genuinely funny when you can follow these tried and true methods ad nauseum? Follow these steps, and you'll be on your way to thinking of yourself as everyone's favorite video game funnyman! Joke on, Sir Jokington! Joke on!*

*The following was purely satirical.

1 comment:

Kyle said...

Funny article Phil. I really like your sarcastic articles like these (such as the Wiitol one).