Friday, August 12, 2011

Top Five Reasons to Hate Microsoft

Several weeks ago I posted a list of five reasons to hate on Capcom. Now it's Microsoft's turn to take a licking. Resorting to attaching Xbox sales to laptop sales in last month's NPD and then bragging about it, this company is shameless. The following five reasons list why gamers should quit eating up the ^#%# Microsoft serves them.

5) Paying sixty bucks just to play online

Oh, boy! I get to pay the increased price of sixty bucks (the price of an overpriced HD game) to play online with racist 13 year-olds who get bullied and take it out on random strangers online! Awesome! To be fair you get more features than you do with the free Sony PlayStation Network, but is the inflated price worth it? Yes, you can mute players, cross-chat between games, and do a bunch of other nifty features, but sixty bucks is overcharging and greedily gouging your loyal customers. Micro$oft indeed.

4) Killing Rare

Rare is but one of the many first party studios of Microsoft that was murdered maliciously, scrapped for parts, and shipped away. The good portion of Rare is long gone, leaving behind a legacy of fantastic games such as Banjo-Kazooie, Viva Pinata, Perfect Dark, and Blast Corps. Now they create knock-offs of whatever Nintendo is doing. Miis? Sure, we got avatars. Wii Sports? Sure, we got Kinect Sports for you. The art staff was completely let go as was most of the staff if others didn't simply leave the sinking ship. Face it. If you're a first party of Microsoft, you might want to send in your resume to other companies... and fast.

3) Turning their back on the hardcore

While Nintendo still regularly makes games for their fan base like New Super Mario Bros. Wii, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Sin and Punishment 2, Punch-Out!, and the upcoming The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, Microsoft turned their back on their own fan base when they unveiled the Kinect. What do fans get this year? A rehash of Halo (if the remake of Ocarina of Time on 3DS is a rehash then so is a remake of the original Halo, only fair, manchildren), a sequel to a dudebro shooter in Gears of War 3, and Forza Motorsports 4. Great lineup if you're a 27 year-old who still plays with his G.I. Joes. The focus is clearly on Kinect and its various shovelware, so good work on alienating your so-called fans, Microsoft. Just as long as you get your money.

2) Kinect sucks

This goes in line with number three since after Kinect was introduced, Microsoft's focus on the hardcore was minimized. Nintendo's Wii gets crapped on by manchildren of all ages for having "no games" and "shovelware". Well, what do you call Kinect? You know the difference between the Wii and Microsoft's Kinect? Wii actually has plenty of excellent games for it. With Microsoft's Kinect you get games that seldom actually mimic your movements, the same third party shovelware that plagued the Wii, and overpriced mini-game collections. It was by cashing in on the Wii craze that Microsoft effectively became a brand-new company-- to the chagrin of the so-called "hardcore".

1) Creating shoddy hardware

Spending over one billion dollars to sweep the mess of the red ring of death fiasco under the rug and to only have their fans gladly fork over more cash just to buy more Xbox 360s, Microsoft made without a doubt the single most shoddiest hardware ever to reach the masses. The fans with stupid smiles on their faces didn't care. They happily paid for Microsoft's brash and greedy manufacturing tactics. "Go ahead! Kick us while we're down, Microsoft! We're good for it!" Thank God I don't have an addiction to shooters (which seemingly is all Microsoft ever puts out), or I might have bought a second one myself.


Microsoft is without a doubt my least favorite of the big three. However, not all is bad. Xbox Live Arcade is second to none with great titles and great deals. In fact, since all Microsoft seemingly does is release shooters for the dudebro crowd, it's a relief to see them support indie developers unlike some companies (cough, Nintendo). I'm sure this list made some of you mad, so let me know your transgressions in the comments section. I'll be deleting the obvious trollbait, so try to show some restraint. We all know the Microsoft console warrior is overflowing with testosterone, so keep it civil. Peace.

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