Friday, November 28, 2008

SuperPhillip's Top 10 Video Game Villains

Naughty or... naughty? Christmas is swiftly approaching, and Santa Claus is making his list and checking it twice. You can be certain that none of the villains appearing on this list will be receiving anything but coal. Perhaps some of them would like that anyway... The following is my top ten video game villains-- the ones that are just darn cool, funny, entertaining, hilarious, and/or badass as the kids say. Let's see if any of my picks match yours!

10. Count Dracula (Castlevania)

This isn't some person who can't stop being evil-- Dracula just can't stay dead. Over and over again, century after century, whether it's the Belmont clan or someone else to try to put him into eternal slumber, Count Dracula never says die permanently. Someone always has to go and wake him up! Every encounter with the king of the night is a different experience. Sometimes his last form is a monstrous demon or devil while others are more subdued.

"What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... have at you!"

"Dracula: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was called here by humans, who wish to pay me tribute.
Richter: Tribute?!?! You steal men's souls, and make them your slaves!
Dracula: Perhaps the same could be said of all religions..."

9. Dr. Wily (Mega Man)

He's been in nine mainline Mega Man titles as well as numerous spin-offs. It's Dr. Albert Wily, the mad scientist who just never gives up and never runs out of ideas for new robots to terrorize humanity with. Every ending he begs for forgiveness, but by the sixth time Mega Man knows what's up. Without Dr. Wily, we wouldn't have all of these cool robots to destroy. Thanks, Dr. Wily. P.S. Your final form in Mega Man 7 can go drink my plasma, you jerk.

8.Wario (Super Mario)

Even when he stars in a game, he still acts out of his number one characteristic-- greed. Nintendo's favorite antihero, the plump, treasure-seeking, coin-snatching, nose-picking, fart-blasting Wario is another villain who's entertaining just because he's hilarious, fat, as well as unpredictable.

“I’m number one!”
"Have a rotten day!"
"I'm-a Wario! I'm-a gonna win!"

7. Bowser (Super Mario)

Originally known to North American gamers as King Koopa, it wasn't until Super Mario Bros. 3 was released that the name we've come to known him as, Bowser, became popular. Sometimes Mario's reluctant ally, but usually his sworn nemesis, Bowser never backs down-- even when facing defeat after defeat after defeat. He's resilient for sure, and varies in size from game to game. The recent Super Mario Galaxy had him wishing to use the Power Stars for his own evil purposes until Mario once again stepped in to put him back on the disabled list.

"On Tuesday, I'll call a vote and have myself elected Grand Imperial Boss."

I know what you're thinking....all this power, AND looks, too!"

"I am Bowser, businessman of legend! Fear my accounting!"

""Gwa ha ha ha ha ha! Is that all you've got? How sad! You'd best take some vitamins, 'cause that didn't hurt at all!"

6. Dr. Eggman (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Whether you use the American name of Robotnik or the original Japanese name of Eggman, this doctor has been Sonic's rival ever since the beginning. You thought Dr. Wily created a lot of robots! Dr. Eggman builds robots, battleships, and machines to face his speedy blue nemesis at the end of every zone. He must have one heck of a 401k! Not only that, but he can also be a very good comedic villain when he wants to. Then again, when it's time to get serious, you bet he's up to the challenge. Sure, he never wins, but he's up to the challenge.

"Those idiots, they're ruining everything! How am I supposed to conquer the city and build the Eggman Empire if there is no city?"

5. Fawful (Mario & Luigi)

Can't do enough to describing to represent this awesome little fella. Let the quotes do the talking!

"I am the great Cackletta's most best pupil, who is named Fawful! I am here, laughing at you! If you are giving us the chase, just to get your silly princess's voice, then you are idiots of foolishness! Princess Peach's sweet voice will soon be the bread that makes the sandwich of Cackletta's desires! And this battle shall be the delicious mustard on that bread! The mustard of your doom!"

"I have boredom...Guests? Now I have...FURY! I say to you WELCOME! Welcome to Fawful's Bean 'n' Badge! In this place beans are like precious treasure milked from a famous cow made of jewels! All who come with beans leave with badges so rare they make mustaches droop with disbelief!"

"You are like brainless cats that are too dumb to know they are stupid! You have curiosity...but my tale is long, so long it makes babies old and hairy lips grow gray with aging. Do you dare hear?"

"I am waiting like an elevator. I have the commerce. I run Fawful's Bean 'n' Badge, but...the day comes soon when Fawful rises again, and then no baby's candy has safety! I am counting chickens before they are even eggs, before the chickens are even chickens!
Hooof... Heffff...D-Did I...have insanity?"

Gotta hand it to Nintendo's localization team. They definitely are fantastic at their jobs and creating an interesting script/dialogue.

4. Sigma (Mega Man X)

When I was a child growing up, I played Mega Man X for the first time in 1993. I was just a hair over seven years old at the time, and I was wowed by the character of Sigma. He was a master manipulator, witty, charismatic, foreboding, sinister, and just plain cool in my book. Seven sequels and a number of new bodies and giant mechanical robots later, Sigma is still one of more favorite villains-- even more so than Dr. Wily-- the man who is hinted to be Zero and Sigma's creator.

3. Ganondorf (The Legend of Zelda)

Evil in the form of a Gerudo, Ganondorf scared the crap out of me as a child when I saw him in Ocarina of Time. His sinister smile, his tall, ominous presence, his chilling eyes... all of these added up to a powerful mastermind that showered Hyrule as well as younger players such as myself with a cloud of fear. Heading up the spiral staircase as the organ melody grew closer and louder made my heart race. And then the final battle... I still get goosebumps thinking about and playing that moment. It's just awesome-- no other word can describe it.

"Do not think that this ends here... the history of light and shadow will be written in blood!"

"How ridiculous... So many pathetic creatures, scattered across a handful of islands, drifting on this sea like fallen leaves on a forgotten pool... What they can possibly hope to achieve? Don't you see? All of you... Your gods destroyed you! I have been waiting for you, boy. For one like you... Yes... For the hero."

2. Kefka Palazzo (Final Fantasy VI)

Unlike any other villain in the Final Fantasy series, this one actually fulfilled his evil plan of world-domination! The maniacal Kefka succeeded in covering the world in chaos creating a world of ruin which he could watch from his massive Tower of Kefka. There's two camps, really, when it comes to Final Fantasy: those who like Sephiroth the most, and those who prefer Kefka. I'm obviously in the latter group. Not to mention Kefka has a disturbing backstory of abuse and is a tragic figure in all aspects... plus he's funny.

"Nothing can beat the music of hundreds of voices screaming in unison!"

"I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate you!"

"Life...Dreams...Hope...Where'd they come from? And where are they headed...? These things...I'm going to destroy!!"

1. Gruntilda Winkybunion (Banjo-Kazooie)

My favorite video game villain, here she is, there's no better villain in this biz. The laugh-out-loud funny, Gruntilda, who even beat out that bad guy from Zelda. I honestly looked at her large picture in the entrance lobby of her lair, and I cracked up laughing-- she did not care. She looked and was just so hilarious and cute, even if she wanted to give the character I was playing the boot. She had her green skin in Banjo-Kazooie, and she lost it all by the time she reached Banjo-Tooie. If you disagree with my number one pick, I don't care, but you're entitled to that opinion since what fair is fair.

"Is it me or is your nose square? The fans will hate it, you butt-ugly bear!"

"You [Kazooie] side with Banjo but change tack, imagine you on Grunty's back!

"My belly's big, it's rather neat, it's years since I have seen my feet!"

"Your butt will tell you and you'll know, when my boot swings to and fro!"

"Your feathered friend is such a joke, where are the "funny" lines she once spoke?"


There you have it. Did any of your favorites make my list? Have a great weekend, and be sure to stay tuned as I have more planned during it!


Anonymous said...

You sir.. have no clue of video game villans... Wheres sephiroth?? I mean... seriously...

Unknown said...

No mama boys who don't put up a fight allowed.

Seriously, how cliche and overrated is Sephiroth...

Eduardo Jardim said...

Hi SuperPhilip!
I like your post so much and I wonder if you would like us to be friends xDD

Here's my link, it's a Brazilian blog about Mario, Mario and Mario, (Reino do Cogumelo = Portuguese for Mushroom Kingdom)

and if you accept to divulgate us this would be our first international partnership. Besides, Mario fans must be united!

Since now, I thank you.
~Eduardo Jardim

Unknown said...

Message sent, Mr. Jardim.

Eduardo Jardim said...

Thank you, Mr. Phillip.


Anonymous said...

I say Sigma from megamanX and Alex from Golden sun are my favorite villains. They are bith amazing manipulators and both Unparalled fighters!!!