Report Card - E3 2013 Press Conferences

We were really skeptical coming into this year's E3. We were burned last year quite severely from overhyping the event. This year, however, the big three came and they came hard. ...That last sentence came out wrong.

Anyway, just like last year, we will be utilizing our popular Report Card segment to grade each of the big three's E3 presentation performances. This was a big year for all, as Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo all had much to prove. Two had new consoles that needed to be unveiled, and one needed to stay relevant in the minds of consumers.

If you like, you can take these grades and play "who won E3" like the press and the fanboys they cater to enjoy doing, but we'd rather just sit back, relax, and enjoy how all three are going to give us each something to remember them by-- great gaming experiences. Let's get to grading, shall we?

Microsoft

Unfortunately, Microsoft has once again proven to us that they are still going to cater to the market that made them so popular in the first place. They will continue to publish, develop and house games in the genres of shooters, sports, and racers. That's fine. It works for Microsoft, but it means we have next to zero interest for the Xbox One. Even Dead Rising 3, a confirmed Xbox One exclusive, seemed to lose everything that made the first two games in the series so appealing, like the comedic charm. And what of Killer Instinct? Not only is it not being made by Rare (it's being made by Double Helix, who have a mediocre track record at best sadly), but it's F2P, meaning you get a free demo with one or two characters and you have to pay to unlock everything else.

Microsoft really did nothing to sell us on the Xbox One. They didn't bother mentioning the elephant in the room, the Xbox One's used game and DRM issues, which is a common tactic by anyone with something to hide. We all know that the average consumer will not really care about these issues and will blindly buy an Xbox One. We could say it's because of the games or all of their friends will be buying one, but our stance has the reason that Microsoft will throw an endless amount of money to make sure their system succeeds, despite what that would do to the future of our industry. That's generally Microsoft's answer to everything-- throwing money at everything. It's this crappy behavior and the lack of admitting they're snake oil salesmen that make us absolutely abhor what the Xbox One and Microsoft stand for.

Pardon the rant. We're here to talk about the press conference. After all of the gun games and sports titles, the price tag was revealed: $499. It seems to us that the so-called "third console curse" has taken another victim and its name is Microsoft. It is as if MS learned nothing from Sony last generation. They are acting just as arrogant, if not more so, and it is without a doubt disgusting. No thank you, Microsoft. No thank you. We're most definitely jumping out.

Grade: D-

Sony

Sony's 2013 press conference started out with the present, looking at PlayStation 3 titles slated for the rest of the year. Yes, Jack Tretton, not bad for a seven-year-old console indeed! There was Beyond: Two Souls, Gran Turismo 6, and much more.

Things then shifted to the PS4, what everyone was waiting for without a doubt. We saw the sexy piece of hardware, we saw Sony Santa Monica's first offering, developed by Ready at Dawn (God of War: Chains of Olympus, God of War: Ghost of Sparta), The Order. Steampunk? Werewolves? England? Color us intrigued!

We then caught a glimpse of four of the titles that debuted back in February's initial PlayStation 4 reveal: Killzone: Shadow Fall, Drive Club, Infamous: Second Son, and Knack. Somehow they looked even better than when they were originally shown. How is that even possible!?

It's no question that Sony is all about indies this new generation. They showed off an impressive number of independent developer games showing up first on PlayStation 4.

Third-parties were also kind to Sony, including Square Enix, who showed off not one but two mind-blowing games. The first was Final Fantasy XV, the game formerly known as Final Fantasy Versus XIII. There was a lot of murmuring about whether the former project would turn into the fifteenth mainline Final Fantasy game, and those folks who thought so were right. Then, the game announcement that excited us most from Sony's show, Kingdom Hearts III, was unveiled. Finally! No more spin-offs, no more side stories-- just the third numbered game in the Disney/Square Enix collaboration!

Most importantly, Sony absolutely pulled zero punches with regards to Microsoft, and after seeing how disgusting Microsoft's policies are, we loved every minute of it. There, stood Jack Tretton, with a giant warm grin plastered on his proud face, as the crowd hooted and hollered his confirmation that the PS4 would not be anti-used games (a funny official video from Sony can be seen here regarding that), would not need to be always online, and would not have any DRM. Then, came the haymaker-- $399.

Sure, the fact that online multiplayer will now be behind a paywall was a bit disappointing, but then PlayStation Plus has proven it is more than worth the money. You will still get free games, and you will still have an awesome service. The only other gripe we have with the press conference was the lack of a strong PlayStation Vita presence. I guess we're fine not caring if you're fine not caring, Sony.

Regardless, Sony came back in a big way at this E3. No doubt Microsoft thought the PlayStation 4 would be priced higher than their Xbox One, and Sony managed to deliver a seemingly knockout punch to Microsoft in round one of this new console war. Sony's E3 2013 press conference wasn't perfect, but it was one of the best in E3 history.

Grade: A

Nintendo

The Big N opted to do things differently than past E3s. They did not have a traditional E3 press conference. Instead, they had a Nintendo Direct, something very popular with fans and something that allows Nintendo to directly reach their fans... hence the name. Despite the seemingly infinite amount of lag and loading in the initial video, we were quite pleased with what Nintendo had to show.

There wasn't a lot that was not already known  coming into the Direct. Many of the games shown and highlighted had been previously announced at a Nintendo Direct which was shown earlier in the year. However, it was nice to finally get footage and details about a lot of the titles.

The program started with a look at Pokemon X and Pokemon Y, showing the impressive 3D world of the games, some new Pokemon, the battle system, and the eighteenth (thanks Rhythm Heaven Guy for correcting us) type of Pokemon, Fairy. We haven't had the "gotta catch 'em all" bug in a long time, but Pokemon X and Pokemon Y are giving us the fever once more.

Let's talk about the three games that excited us most. The first was Super Mario 3D World. We came into the Nintendo Direct, like most folks, expecting a 3D Mario in the style of Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Galaxy. We wanted to see something that pushed the Wii U hardware. What we got instead was a sequel to the Nintendo 3DS's Super Mario 3D Land, only this time on Wii U. However, our whining soon turned to quivering with excitement as we saw the game in action. Four player multiplayer with Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Toad, each handling differently? Colorful worlds? Tight platforming? We totally understand why there's a good portion of pissed off people over the announcement of Super Mario 3D World, but perhaps if it's like most Nintendo games, you won't know that you wanted the game until you sit down and play it.

The next game that excited us heavily was Mario Kart 8, taking the racing into a whole new direction-- literally! Upwards, downwards, alongside walls-- it's like Mario and the gang entered into the world of F-Zero. Bikes return, 12 person racing returns, gliders and underwater sections return, and the game looked absolutely glorious in its high definition beauty. All that and 60 FPS? Yes, please!

The final game that excited us most (don't get us wrong, we loved most everything else) was Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS and Wii U. We knew a trailer was coming, but we didn't expect being absolutely floored by the footage shown. Levels took place aboard the train from The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (3DS version), a platforming area in Super Mario 3D Land (3DS version), Skyloft from The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (Wii U version) and a new version of Smashville (Wii U version). Newcomers like the Villager from Animal Crossing, the Wii Fit trainer, and yes, Mega Man made up for having no information about the game for nearly two years. Masahiro Sakurai and company, you glorious bastards!

Then there was footage of X, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD, The Wonderful 101, Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, Art Academy, and Wii Party, each intriguing us but at varying levels.

All-in-all, we liked this approach to E3 from Nintendo. We're a bit annoyed that we have to wait until 2014 for a lot of the titles shown, but this year with Pikmin 3, New Super Luigi U, The Wonderful 101, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD, Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, and Super Mario 3D World, our Wii U systems will have plenty of games inside them for the rest of the year.

Grade: B

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This E3 will go down as one of the greatest in memory, and we've been following the expo since its inception in 1995. Great games were shown, consoles were revealed, and memorable moments were had. How would you grade the E3 shows this year? Break it to us gently in the comments section.

Report Card - E3 2012 Press Conferences

UPDATE: SuperPhillip Central is celebrating four years online. Come share the love and reminisce here!

Do you feel there isn't enough ranting and raving on the Internet? Well, then settle down and enjoy. The final of the big three press conferences ended earlier today with Nintendo showing a little more in-depth their new Wii U console. It is time to send for the Report Card segment! Three conferences, three grades, no bull. Okay, maybe a little bull. We will go in order of presentation: Microsoft, Sony, and then Nintendo.

Microsoft

Great. You're number one worldwide. Now give me something-- ANYTHING-- to play. To be quite honest, the only thing that interested in me at all in Microsoft's E3 2012 showing was gameplay from Resident Evil 6, a title that I'm going to get on another console anyway. Otherwise you had Microsoft's typical gun/shoot/kill-fests in Halo 4, Gears of War: Judgment, and Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 (which had the most boring demonstration). I don't mean to sound snobbish, but I'm not 12 anymore and I'm not the college frat-boy archetype. I don't find the need to play shooters to fulfill my juvenile male fantasies while drinking Mountain Dew and calling my opponents racial and homophobic slurs. This isn't intending to generalize all of you who play those types of games, so please don't take it that way. There were other games featured including the new Splinter Cell, Tomb Raider, and South Park games. None of which can't be found elsewhere. Then you had announcements that The Weather Channel, Nickolodeon, Twitch, Rhapsody, and more were coming to the now-entertainment-centric Xbox 360. Sorry, everyone who isn't living in the United States, but you don't get any of this. Sorry for wasting your time and giving you false hope.

Something that doesn't particularly grab me but it may others is SmartGlass which my head dozed a little on. My main point through all this witless banter is that Xbox 360 seems to be coasting now with its success mostly due to Kinect. Microsoft did nothing to interest me in any of their titles shown that I couldn't get elsewhere. Their recent exclusives just don't appeal to me whatsoever. I guess I'm just not the audience Microsoft is gunning for. I have no doubt they will continue to do well, especially into next gen as they have the mountains of money to push anything and everything they produce.

Grade: D-

Sony

Sony's press conference was my favorite of the three-- which isn't saying much. Jack Tretton hosted and yes, the 200 fans they let in free applauded everything. First that was shown off was Quantic Dream's newest game, Beyond: Two Souls. It showed "gameplay" and some incredibly impressive cinematics. Following that was a three minute gameplay demonstration of PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale. Fat Princess won, and while there was some heavy criticism of calling the game uninspired, I found the action to be enjoyable.

What I was most interested in was Sony's Vita lineup of software, and to say that the company has little faith in their powerful portable is an understatement. You can argue that "Oh, Sony doesn't need to show Vita software off at their press conference; they can show games off on the show floor" all you want, but the fact of the matter is that the handheld is struggling everywhere and Sony needed to show it was serious about supporting and getting support for it. All they announced was a new Assassin's Creed and a Call of Duty game that didn't even have any footage attached to it. I sincerely doubt the crowd that plays Call of Duty will be interested in playing it on a small screen device. You also have multiple ports of PS3 games offering cross play and connectivity, but why shell out $250 for games you can already play on the PS3?

And don't get me started on Wonderbook, which slowed the pace and momentum (as Sony likes to put it) of the show down to a crawl. Regardless, the final touches to the conference were two big 2013 titles: God of War: Ascension (yep, that's God of War, alright) and the jaw-dropping The Last of Us by Naughty Dog. Even with the shameless gift to the crowd of one free year of PS Plus, the show was the most entertaining of the three.

Grade: C-

Nintendo

I am currently constantly rubbing it in the faces of the fans who said that Nintendo had "already won E3" by just showing up. Man, were these poor diluted souls ever wrong! The press conference started out just fine with a cute introduction by Shigeru Miyamoto and the announcement of Pikmin 3. Reggie Fils-Amie said that Nintendo had lots of games to cover, yet opted to talk everyone's ears off about the hardware of their new console, the Wii U. We then saw footage of New Super Mario Bros. U, the newest in the line of milking Mario for all he's worth. Then it went all downhill from there. A demonstration came of a game that is six months old, Batman: Arkham City... but this time it is an Armored Edition! Wowee! What followed was Scribblenauts Unlimited (which isn't Nintendo exclusive by the way) and Wii Fit U.

Ubisoft showed off some titles, and then Scott Moffitt of Nintendo came up, embarrassing himself when he asked for some love/applause and received a polite smattering of claps. Shown off were two more Mario games but for 3DS: New Super Mario Bros. 2 and Paper Mario with new subtitle Sticker Star. Luigi's Mansion 2 was renamed to Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon with some video shown. After Mr. Moffitt left the stage, Just Dance 4 took it.

I don't recall what happened here because at that point I turned the conference off. I see there was a segment devoted to a mini-game collection called Nintendo Land. Funny as both Satoru Iwata, president of Nintendo, and Reggie Fils-Amie both said that the Wii U was supposed to cater to the so-called "hardcore", yet most games do not appeal to that group of passionate gamer at all. To make matters worse, people thought non-disclosure agreements hid games away from the public eye. It turns out Nintendo just had nothing major to show from first or third parties. When EA isn't even putting sports games for launch, you know there is a problem with your platform. Wii U quickly went from "looks good" to "I'm not getting this at all" within the span of one hour. What was supposed to be a conference to make an argument for buying Nintendo's new system made an argument against buying it any time soon. They made it so even fans are having a hard time finding the desire to buy, and let's not even talk about those heavily invested in the other platforms. Third parties seem to be doing another wait-and-see if it sells self-fulfilling prophecy, and Nintendo obviously has learned nothing about anything. At least there was Mario, Pikmin, and Luigi to soften the brutality and there's a 3DS-focused event tomorrow. If Fire Emblem and Animal Crossing aren't there, this E3 really will be one of the worst in history.

Grade: D

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As I just said, this E3 is one of the worst in memory. Every company just seems to not have any interest in providing compelling experiences for anyone. When Ubisoft of all companies has the best showing, you know something is off-kilter. With lukewarm announcements, gaming really feels stale right now, and the big three did nothing to satiate my and a lot of frustrated people's tedium for this hobby. What are your thoughts on the big three's conferences? How would you rate and/or order them?

Report Card - Nintendo DS

My Report Card segment took an extended holiday, but it has returned. This time we are examining the Nintendo DS line of handhelds. One of the best-selling systems of all time, did the DS deserve all of its sales? Let's find out by looking at the hardware, software, features, and online-- but not in that order.

Hardware

There have been four major models of the DS: the original bulky DS, the DS Lite, the DSi, and the DSi XL. The original DS wasn't very pleasing to the eyes, and the power button was in a precarious location. With the DS Lite (which will now be initialed as DSL), turning on or off the system was moved to the right side. You just moved the slider to turn it on or off (with you needing to push the slider for a longer time to turn it off). The start and select buttons moved from over the face buttons to underneath them and near the lower right side of the touch screen. Instead of being rectangular in shape, they were circular in shape. One of the things I really love about the DSL and its future successors was that the system had a matte finish on the inside. This meant that fingerprints wouldn't show up and make your handheld's insides look absolutely messy. This is something I am flabbergasted that the Nintendo 3DS does not have. Regardless, all isn't well with the DSL. Many models of the system had issues with the hinges where they could crack, leaving the portable unplayable. I haven't encountered this manufacturing fault myself, but it is important to make note of.

Meanwhile, the DSi once again moved the power button, but this time to the lower left side of the bottom screen. A low resolution camera was added for friends and family to take pictures, but as stated, the quality of the photos left much to be desired. With the advent of the DSi XL, the whole build of the system was increased in size to show off a bigger screen and for use for people with bigger hands. The hinge problem that plagued the DSL seemed to have gone away. If not for the hinge chaos, the hardware would be graded higher than a...

Grade: B

Features

Depending on which build of the DS you get, you have different features at your disposal. I personally enjoy the features provided by the original DS and DSL the most. All models give you Pictochat, a fun drawing/messaging app that is for local players with two or more DS systems, as well as the ability to perform Download Play, allowing two or more players with their own systems to dabble in multiplayer with one another. Some games require all players to have a game card while others like Mario Party DS only need one game card and up to four DS systems.

The main draw for me of the vanilla DS and DSL is the backwards compatibility with Game Boy Advance games. There is a slot on the bottom of the DS and DSL to play every GBA game under the sun. That boosts the library available to DS and DSL owners sevenfold.

Meanwhile, for DSi (XL) owners, you have an entire shop filled with downloadable games of varying prices at your every aching whim. You have games like Pictobits, Aura Aura Climber, Bomberman Blitz, Cave Story, Mario vs. Donkey Kong: Minis March Again, Rayman, Shantae: Risky's Revenge, UNO, Metal Torrent, Mighty Flip Champs! and many more to choose from. DSi (XL) owners also get to play around with the built-in camera to take photos of friends, family, nature, and other oddities. If only the DSi and DSi XL offered the option of being able to play GBA games, it would be the ultimate handheld.

Grade: B

Online

The DS was Nintendo's first try with online... and it most definitely shows. Each game required players to acquire a much dreaded twelve digit friend code to share with other players if they wanted to enter a match with them. You can't add a friend unless they have added you in return, and there is no easy way to tell if they've added you except for hopping online and hoping. With Nintendo's poor online this meant that patches were impossible to implement (patches wouldn't show up until Nintendo's next mainline handheld, the 3DS), so hackers who glitched games and cheated were free to run amok. Combine these problems with occasionally atrocious netcode, and you have a losing formula in the online space. You can tell that Nintendo went in kicking and screaming towards online. Thankfully, Nintendo has greatly improved in the online arena, and the Wii U should show what they have learned. That said, the DS' online gets a...

Grade: F

First-party Exclusives

Nintendo brought a fair majority of their biggest IPs to their ultra-popular portable. For traditional 2D platforming you had games like the return to form of Mario in New Super Mario Bros., the sequel to the SNES classic Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island in Yoshi's Island DS, for the first time in the West, The Legendary Starfy, multiple Kirby games like the innovative Kirby Canvas Curse, Kirby: Squeak Squad, Kirby Super Star Ultra, and Kirby Mass Attack, and for the first time ever in a starring role, Princess Peach in Super Princess Peach. Other series got their due time such as Metroid Prime Hunters, The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass and Spirit Tracks, WarioWare: D.I.Y. and Touched, Pokemon Black/White, Mario Kart DS (the best in the series), Tetris DS, Star Fox Command, Advance Wars: Dual Strike and Days of Ruin, Animal Crossing: Wild World, Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story, a new Fire Emblem and Golden Sun, and many more. Nintendo even brought forth some new franchises to stimulate the casual market like a publishing deal with Level 5 for Professor Layton, Brain Age, Picross 3D and Picross DS, Planet Puzzle League, Elite Beat Agents, Clubhouse Games, 100 Classic Books, and Nintendogs. Nintendo created new gaming experiences with old and new IPs that really utilized the features of the DS with terrific success.

Grade: A

Third-party Exclusives

Third-parties spent a lot of their time slowly warming up to the Nintendo DS. The support was at a snail's pace at the beginning of the system's life, but as the handheld took off in Japan and then shortly thereafter in other parts of the world, third-parties jumped onto the bandwagon and began producing, publishing, and developing some stellar hits. We had three Castlevanias of the classic so-called "Metroidvania" design, two Sonic games in Sonic Rush and Sonic Rush Adventure, multiple Dragon Quest remakes and a huge exclusive in Dragon Quest IX (which sent message boards in a terrible tizzy), a load of Final Fantasy games such as remakes of III and IV, Contra 4, Phantasy Star 0, Resident Evil: Deadly Silence, a port of Chrono Trigger, Okamiden-- the sequel to the brilliant Okami, several Mega Man games, and two original Kingdom Hearts entries. There were even new IPs such as Radiant Historia, Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective, Solatorobo: Red the Hunter, Jump Superstars, Soul Bubbles, The World Ends With You, Meteos (from the mind of Masahiro Sakurai of Smash Bros. fame) Nanostray and its sequel, and Drawn to Life. Japan supported the platform more than the West, but you'd be hard pressed to find a better lineup of third-party offerings on any other handheld.

Grade: A

Overall

My Nintendo DS Lite still holds a special place in my closet, and unlike when people say they've placed a system in their closet, I still play my DS Lite. How else can I play Game Boy Advance classics without hooking up the ol' GameCube and Game Boy Player? That notwithstanding, even without the GBA backwards compatibility, there is an abundance of tremendous titles awaiting any DS owner, and now with the 3DS that can play most DS games, the library gets another chance to shine. It is not only one of the best handheld libraries in gaming history (it might even be considered the best), but it is one of the best libraries handheld or console in gaming history. Design flaws aside, the system is one of my favorites which I will always have numerous cherished memories of.

Overall Grade: A-
(not an average)

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What would your grades of the Nintendo DS family of systems be? Did you enjoy this edition of Report Card? I hope you did as I enjoyed writing it. Share your thoughts and memories of the DS in the comments section.

Report Card - Sony PSP

It's Thursday, so that must mean it's time to head back to class for another edition of Report Card! Today's subject is none other than Sony's PlayStation Portable or PSP. There are but a few games left to be released for the little-handheld-that-could, so allow me to grade everything from the hardware to the games the system has!

Hardware

The build of the PSP is fairly light for all the power the system possesses. The screen itself is 16:9, offering an exemplary view of gameplay. The system is the only handheld device to have an optical disc format known as the UMD or Universal Media Disc. These discs allowed lots of storage for games, but it also meant long loading times. Meanwhile, the battery life of the system is surprisingly good with a charge lasting anywhere between 4.5–7 hours. Not bad! The system takes about an hour-and-a-half to charge the battery. As for the controls of the PSP, the d-pad feels nice with each direction (left, right, up, and down) being its own individual button with the triangle, square, circle, and X buttons feeling great to press in as well. On the bottom of the PSP is the home button that can take you back to the XMB of the system, the volume controls (- and +), the brightness button, a button that sends you to the music player, and the select and start inputs. My main problem with the PSP comes from the analog nub, located under the d-pad. It's like a little disc that you slide around. It's uncomfortable for games that have three-dimensional gameplay, and for titles that require both the d-pad and the nub like Monster Hunter, for instance, you have to hold your hand like a claw. That notwithstanding, you have a technical beast on your hands with the PSP, a system that won't set you back in the cash department by much.

Grade: B

Features

The PSP prided itself in being a multimedia hub for gamers. It marketed itself this way to differentiate the system from its competitor, the Nintendo DS. The PSP has an MP3 player which you can store music to a memory stick and then play music from the system's speakers or through headphones. Though, I must admit that carrying around the large but thin system can be difficult to do. Regardless, outside of music functions, the PSP received its own line of downloadable games known as PS Minis. There's an abundant array of titles to be purchased and played, and the selection is quite good. Sony also dabbled in connectivity between the PSP and its latest home console, the PlayStation 3, as well as the Internet.

Grade: B-

Online

The PSP utilizes Wi-Fi play, so there's no need for wires to be connected to the system. Unlike Nintendo, which stumbled heavily with their online and went in kicking and screaming, Sony's online for the PSP is tremendous and easy to use. Online games like Resistance: Retribution, Hot Shots Golf: Open Tee 2, and MotorStorm: Arctic Edge offer simple access to the various multiplayer functionality each game contains. The online is usually lag-free and the entertainment value through playing with friends or total strangers is astounding.

Grade: B

First-party Exclusives

Behind Nintendo, Sony is a fantastic first party, and they deliver greatly on content for their systems. But unlike Nintendo, Sony does not mind investing heavily in new IPs, even at the expense of killing off old ones. We've seen quirky titles like the colorful LocoRoco, the rhythm-based war game Patapon, and the Sackboy-starring LittleBigPlanet. Then there's old standbys like the duo of PSP-exclusive God of War games, two off-shoots that surpassed the PS3 console installment, Hot Shots Golf: Open Tee 1 and 2, the ice-cold racing of MotorStorm: Arctic Edge, the third-person shooting bliss of Resistance: Retribution, and don't forget the lombax and robot pair of Ratchet & Clank in Size Matters. Even classic franchises returned like Syphon Filter and the F-Zero-inspired Wipeout. Sony definitely delivered on first party content with the PSP, but I feel they could have put their A teams on the games instead of their B and C teams.

God of War: Ghost of Sparta

Grade: B


Third-party Games

We already have come to terms that Sony's studios delivered on the PSP. Well, if Sony delivered on the first party front, then third parties mailed first class with delivery confirmation. The biggest franchises ended up on the system including Metal Gear Solid, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Grand Theft Auto, Tactics Ogre, Star Ocean, Sonic the Hedgehog, Castlevania, Mega Man, Ys, and the title that cemented the PSP as a fierce competitor for the Nintendo DS, Monster Hunter. Sure, sales outside of Japan for PSP software was lukewarm at best, but the quality content from third parties certainly makes the system rank up there with the better of handheld libraries.

Monster Hunter Freedom Unite

Grade: A-


Overall

When Sony announced they were entering the portable market, many so-called "unbiased journalists" claimed it was the end of Nintendo's dominance in the handheld side of things, even though no games were revealed yet. Even though the PSP failed to defeat Nintendo's DS, it did become a serious competitor for Nintendo. It gained a fair share of third party and market mind share, and it also earned itself a legion of happy fans. This is all for good reason as Sony's first foray into the portable arena is one of my favorite handhelds period. It's sleek, it's sexy, it has a library that is hard to resist, it has an excellent set of features, and it's just fun to play. Here's hoping the Vita can get up and dust itself off because I'm still looking for an excuse to pick one up; Sony just isn't giving me any reason to.


Overall Grade: B+
(not an average)

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Do you agree with my assessment of Sony's PSP? Piracy damned it to failure, but it will always hold a special place in my heart. Let your comments about this installment of Report Card be heard/read below.

Report Card - Xbox 360

Last week I debuted an all-new segment to SuperPhillip Central, Report Card. I graded the Nintendo Wii's hardware, software, features, and online in fine fashion. Now, it is the Xbox 360's turn to be schooled. Sure, the Xbox 360 is currently outselling its competitors in sales, but does it deserve to? Let's find out with our second installment of Report Card.


Hardware

Let me say four words to preface this portion of grading: Red Ring of Death. It plagued the Xbox 360 for the majority of its life, and even made Microsoft spend a billion dollars or so in repair costs. They've easily made up that money. Why? Because gamers are willing to take it up the you-know-what and give a blind eye. When I read or hear people buying second, third, fourth, or even fifth 360s, I cannot help but throw up a little in my mouth. Yeah... that'll show Microsoft that they can't build shoddy hardware and get away with it! You show 'em, gamers! I actually had principles, so when my 360 died, I did not bother buying a new one. And I won't either. Gamers might be pathetic little losers who don't mind getting screwed over on a consistent basis, but I'm most certainly not one of those.

Grade: F

Controller

The ergonomic controller of the Xbox 360 is simply divine, regardless of what color you decide to buy. The analog sticks are not parallel like the PlayStation brand, so they offer more comfort and ease of use. Like Sony's controller, they can also be clicked in. The colorful Skittle-like buttons for A, B, X, and Y feel smooth and are shiny. Additionally, the triggers and buttons on the shoulders of the controller work wonderfully as well. But by far the most ingenious feature of the controller is the Home button, smack dab in the middle of the controller. At any point during a game you can press it in and have the home menu pop up. You can see what friends are doing, check out desired achievements, and much more all without leaving your game. That said, not all is well with Microsoft's 360 controller. The d-pad is a nightmare and one of the more worse ones in gaming history.


Grade: B

Kinect

You are the controller... well, if your controller was unresponsive and had a huge delay. That is exactly what you get with Kinect. Many people called the Wii a fad (even though the system has had a normal console cycle-- but don't tell the trolls that!), but then they don't bat an eye to Kinect. At least the Wii had an abundant amount of games worth playing. You cannot really say that with Kinect. Maybe Kinect Sports and Dance Central? Everything else is a tech demo or doesn't work the way it is supposed to. The reason is because of the aforementioned delay between actions and what happens on screen. Kinect is promising tech, but all it has done is made gamers (the most afraid of change people in the world, it seems) hate motion controls even more.


Grade: D

Features

The Xbox 360 can download plenty of unique content for owners. There's applications for YouTube, Zune, ESPN, HBO Go, Xfinity, and many more. There is a myriad of uses for one's Xbox 360, and most of them turn your system into an elaborate media hub. With Kinect you can use your voice to activate certain programs and guide yourself through menus. Sure, an actual controller would work just as well (maybe even better), but hey, people love gimmicks!


Speaking of gimmicks, Microsoft opted to "borrow" the Mii idea from Nintendo with their version of the humanoid creations. You know them as Xbox 360 Avatars. These don't allow as much customization, but they are more lifelike than their source of inspiration. Unlike Miis you can actually dress your Avatar in one of many outfits. Some games even tie achievements (which is the next subject of this segment) with certain costumes. I remember one Sonic game unlocking an Eggman costume for performing a certain objective.


A feature that started on Xbox 360 are achievements. They don't do anything except give you a higher Gamerscore to brag to your friends about, but they create satisfaction in accomplishing in-game goals that you might not have tried without them. In fact, I've played games much longer than I otherwise would have thanks to achievements. They are a welcome addition to gaming, but I hope the next generation of this invention gives players actual in-game goods for completing them.

Then there's the matter of Xbox Live Arcade, the best source for original and not-so-original arcade-style experiences, quick downloads, and indie titles. Even if Microsoft's offerings aren't the greatest, the sheer amount of compelling content makes XBLA the place to go for digital games like Rez, Braid, Shadow Complex, and a whole slew of other games.

Grade: A-

Online

Xbox Live is without a doubt the best online money can buy. Though, if I am spending $60 a year just to play online, why am I still being bombarded with ads? I already know Microsoft is a money-hungry company that cares more about profits than the consumer's experience (more so than any other company), but this is ridiculous. My money should take care of having to need ads.

Seriously though, why should I have to pay for online when the PlayStation Network offers almost the same amount of online functionality but for free? Sure, there's no party chat option on PSN, but is that worth a $60 difference in price? Xbox Live is full of bigots, racists, and homophobes, and it really paints a poor picture of humanity. It just shows that through anonymity, cowards the world over will use voice chat and messaging to create enough expletives and hate-filled language to make the Angry Video Game Nerd blush.

Then there's games that are now totally unplayable like Call of Duty: Modern Warfare. It is full of hackers, glitchers, and cheaters who make playing online virtually impossible. Why should Activision fix it when they have the newest Call of Duty to worry about? It's things like this that make the sums of Xbox Live's parts just a pain to deal with. Why should I pay for the luxury of being called gay, shot by a person standing outside the actual level, and seeing an assault of advertisements?

Grade: C

First-party Exclusives

I originally wanted an Xbox 360 for the sole reason of being able to play Rare's games. They were one of my favorite developers in the world, but Microsoft (as good as they are at this) decided to dissolve them and make them do Avatars and Kinect software. Thankfully, this change didn't happen for some time. Xbox 360 owners got sensational titles like the vehicle-assembly, mission-accomplishing Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts, the pinata-luring, pinata-mating Viva Pinata and its excellent sequel, and a game that is near and dear to my heart because it is based off the best FPS on the Nintendo 64-- it's none other than Perfect Dark Zero, which I enjoyed more than Halo just because of the mission structure and bots in multiplayer! Yes!

Microsoft is obviously more Western-focused than other first-parties. This is a turn-off for me as their output for this generation is in my eyes the worst between Nintendo, Sony, and them. I can only handle so much Halo before I am burnt out on it. Unlike Mario, Zelda, LittleBigPlanet, and Ratchet & Clank, Halo doesn't really change its gameplay between entries. All that changes are the set pieces and scenarios. That is the definition of a rehash in my book (take note, friends). Then you have another shooter for dudes and fratboys known as Gears of War and a more than competent racer in Forza Motorsport.


Even their attempts to enthuse the more casual gamer come off as insulting. Their Kinect lineup reeks of ill-conceived ideas and knockoffs. I mean, Kinect Sports is basically Wii Sports for the whole body, and Dance Central is basically Just Dance for the whole body. But I guess as long as Microsoft gets their sales, they don't care if they are putting out poor software. That's an easy solution-- I just won't buy them.

Grade: C-

Third-party Games

At the start of this generation, Microsoft was courting third parties left and right. They wanted Japan. They secured timed and permanent exclusives like Blue Dragon, Eternal Sonata, Lost Odyssey, and Tales of Vesperia. When it appeared that the Japanese people wanted more than Microsoft could offer, the company retreated and desired to conquer the West. I have to give Japan some credit there.

The Xbox 360's architecture and hardware might be weaker than the PlayStation 3, but it is much easier to develop for. This is why most third party titles run much better on Microsoft's system than Sony's. Just look at The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim and compare versions. One runs smooth as butter while the other is a nightmare to play. The 360 has the lion's share of software from companies like Activision, EA, Ubisoft, THQ, Square Enix, Namco Bandai, Capcom, Sega, among others. From Batman: Arkham City to Assassin's Creed, there is no shortage of compelling software for the system.


Grade: A-

Overall

I'm not going to split any hairs here. The Xbox 360 is one of the worst consoles I have ever owned. It is without a doubt one of the most overrated ones. The online is a sham that is overpriced, the community is hateful and skewed young, and the exclusives are mediocre in my mind. Kinect is what is selling consoles, and I bet most people are just getting the bundle and never buying another single game, something Wii critics claimed happened with Wii Sports despite evidence of the contrary. Regardless, if you want the best versions of third party titles, want a capable controller to play them, love digital downloadables, and like having lots of non-gaming features to go with your purchase, you cannot go wrong with the Xbox 360.

Overall Grade: C-
(not an average)

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Not exactly the most popular opinion of the console, but my judgment on the Xbox 360 has been made. What are your quarrels or agreements with my grades? Hit me up with a message in the comments section.

Report Card - Nintendo Wii

Are you up for a new segment on SuperPhillip Central? I am ever trying to create new experiences for readers of my blog. The creativity comes and goes, but I do my best to come up with ideas that other blogs are not doing. Report Card might just be one of those. What is Report Card, you ask? It is where I take a product and review individual portions of it and give each a grade. Then I view all of the grades I have made and post an overall grade. Our first subject? It is the Nintendo Wii.


Hardware

To say the graphical capabilities of the Wii are modest at best would be an understatement. The console is using decade's old technology. It was underpowered at launch, and that fact is even more apparent six years into the console's life. That isn't so much a problem as is the quality and durability of the hardware. For the first time in my history as a gamer, a Nintendo system broke down on me. I could not get my launch Wii to load the health and safety screen, meaning the system was basically dead. All of my saves (Brawl hurt the most) were lost when Nintendo repaired (see: sent me a new Wii). It is with these reasons I cannot give the Wii anything short of...

Grade: B-

Controller

Nintendo does not normally show up at the Tokyo Game Show, so when they did, they had a specific reason. That reason was to unveil the Wii remote and a video showing some of the uses the unique controller could have in gaming scenarios. There was chopping vegetables, fishing, and swordplay, for starters. But just how games that were more involved like a 3D Mario or Zelda would be controlled with just a remote was a question many people had. The Wii remote (or Wiimote as fans like to call it) was only half of the equation. The nunchuk controller which had a wire that hooked up to the bottom of the remote created the actual Wii remote/nunchuk combo that most deeper games used.


This combination allowed for a wide range of movement and comfort. No longer was one tied to having their hands locked together. Hands could be spread apart for maximum relaxation. The only two problems I have with the Wii remote and nunchuk are: 1) the crappy speaker that sounds terribly tinny when in action, and 2) the cord that combines the nunchuk with the Wii remote. It can get tied up between your arms and get in the way when performing more perplex motion controlled actions like in The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword.

The Wii remote would be upgraded with the release of Wii Sports Resort, offering an attachment called the Wii MotionPlus. It allowed close to 1:1 movement, something that many gamers thought the Wii would bring when it initially launched. The peripheral is now built inside the Wii remote, so there is no need to work with the annoying attachment. The Wii remote and nunchuk remains my favorite controller to work with in gaming this generation.

Grade: A-

Features

With the introduction of the Wii, Nintendo begin including packed-in software. This trend would continue with their 3DS portable. The software contained inside the little white box consists of a Photo Channel, the Mii Channel, and the Shop Channel. Miis have become massively popular. They are in-game avatars that you can make to look just like you, your family members, friends, or figures from history and pop culture. They were such a hit that Microsoft tasked Rare to create a knock-off in the form of Avatars.


The Shop Channel requires a broadband Internet connection. On the shop you can purchase games from the Virtual Console which possesses games from the Nintendo Entertainment System, the Super Nintendo, the Nintendo 64, the Sega Genesis, and the TurboGrafx 16 consoles. A handful of games were available at launch to be bought and downloaded with more being added each Monday (and then when that changed, each Thursday). The prices are set based on the platform the game is on regardless of value. So nearly every NES game is 500 points while nearly every N64 game is 1,000 points (special games like never-before-released-in-America ones cost more). Later on downloadable games like LostWinds and Toki Tori hit the Shop Channel via WiiWare. With little in the way of marketing as well developer griping, I feel WiiWare was a failure and a heavily missed opportunity by Nintendo. Better luck next time, I guess.


New channels would be added to the Wii throughout its life including the News, the Weather, the Nintendo Channel, Netflix, and now Hulu Plus. Netflix has seen the most success and most viewership of any other current gen platform, so at least there's that online victory for Nintendo. That said, I do enjoy the channel interface and the creativity Nintendo had in creating new ways for Wii owners to interact with their system.

Grade: B

Online

Nintendo's first real attempt at online for a home console was nothing less than an interesting experiment. They had some experience with the Nintendo DS and friend codes, twelve digit numbers that two people had to share if they wanted to play with one another. Nintendo thought that taking this strategy and sending it to the Wii would be a good idea. Unfortunately, each online game required a different friend code. Not only are friend codes as an idea are a pain in the you-know-what, but it is a hassle to go to a forum or whatever, share codes, add one another, and actually find each other online. Just as bad is that some of Nintendo's biggest online titles did not even function properly such as the infamously horrible Super Smash Bros. Brawl's lag-filled online play.

I really hope that with the Wii U (if that remains its final name) that Nintendo opts to have friend codes as something for players who have the parental settings on solely. That way they couldn't send messages and invitations to complete strangers or people they met online. Players who do not need parental settings would be free to send messages, voice chat, and send friend requests to whomever they desire. Such an idea is to forward-thinking for Nintendo, however, so I am wasting time pondering such a thought.

Grade: D

First-party Exclusives

When one buys a Nintendo console, they don't do it for third-party games. They do it for Nintendo's stable of iconic characters and magical titles. It is my belief that Nintendo has not been this hot and this on top of their game since their Super Nintendo days. We had a bounty of hits such as the intergalactic masterpieces known as Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2, the best motion controlled game in existence in The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, retro revivals like New Super Mario Bros. Wii and Donkey Kong Country Returns, a great collection such as Metroid Prime Trilogy, the brawl to end 'em all, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, the wildly successful titles like Wii Sports, Wii Sports Resort, Wii Party, and Mario Kart Wii, the highly overlooked Excitebots: Trick Racing, the epic RPG named Xenoblade Chronicles, and a whole slew of intriguing titles that prove that when Nintendo has it, they have it. It has been an extraordinary time to like Nintendo and enjoy their games.


Grade: A

Third-party Exclusives

Let's face it-- third-parties bet on the wrong pair of horses this gen, and it bit them in the ass. Studios closing, budgets reaching unprecedented levels, and the difficulty for Japanese developers to ease into HD gaming were all effects of this. That isn't to say there weren't any worthwhile titles coming from companies like Capcom, Konami, EA, Activision, Ubisoft, Namco Bandai, Sega, among others. They just were made by the B teams and lower instead of A teams. I have no question that this will continue with the Wii U as there is something about Nintendo that makes third-parties go stupid and leave money on the table.

Third-parties had the opportunity to build an audience for their games on the Wii. They failed to capitalize. Regardless, Wii owners had a fair amount of interesting titles to sink their collective teeth into such as Monster Hunter Tri, Tatsunoko VS. Capcom: Ultimate All-Stars, Sonic Colors, the pair of on-rails Resident Evil games, The House of the Dead: Overkill, No More Heroes and its sequel, GoldenEye 007, We Love Golf! (seriously, one of my favorite golf games of all time), Boom Blox and Boom Blox: Bash Party, MadWorld, Rabbids Go Home, Red Steel 2, Elebits, Disney Epic Mickey, and Super Swing Golf: Season Two. The AAA blockbuster game mindset is unsustainable in these economic times, and if we don't get games with lower budgets (not every title needs to be AAA), the industry will soon see another crash, in my eyes. Nonetheless, if you have an open mind and don't care if you miss out on RPGs and big budget blockbusters, the Wii wasn't the hellhole most gamers would have you to believe.


Grade: B-

Overall

The Wii is my favorite console of this generation. I easily have around 100 games for the system, and no, none of them could be classified as "shovelware", a term that is so loosely thrown around. It isn't without its fault such as an embarrassingly bad online system. Regardless, what the system is is one that revolutionized the industry, made its competitors-- who once mocked Nintendo's insight into the future-- copy the company with their own forms of motion controls (though nothing as blatant as Sony's Move), and made it seem cool and natural to game for the mainstream. Gamers did not have to just be fat, neck-bearded individuals who raged over the ending of their precious game. They could be soccer moms, blue or white collared dads, and people of all shapes, sizes, and ages. Fun is a universal language, and Nintendo managed to help many in the world speak it.

Overall Grade: B
(not an average)

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And thus Report Card's first outing has concluded. Feel free to give teacher an apple. Hopefully this new segment has been an enjoyable read for you. Stay tuned in the coming weeks when more platforms and products are reviewed in Report Card!